What to Do When POSITIVE Self-Talk AFFIRMATIONS Feel FORCED
Many people today are familiar with Positive Self-Talk Affirmations as a widely used self-help tool. Repeating these self-affirmative phrases regularly can help us change our negative thoughts and beliefs and finally act more desirably. It is an effective way to transform our mindset and reprogram our subconscious mind.
On the other hand, others claim that after using them, they felt even more worthless or even frustrated. Or worse, they feel like they are lying to themselves, which results in the exact opposite outcome than the intention behind them.
So, if you ever felt like affirmations were not your cup of tea, don’t worry—you’re not the only one. But let me tell you this… There is nothing wrong with affirmations per se. It is in the way that we apply them.
Stay with me a little longer, and I’ll explain how you can use affirmations more effectively and suggest some other practical approaches that might benefit you even more.
Why Positive Affirmations Can Feel Forced
First, when used properly, affirmations can make you feel more empowered, motivated, or better in any other way, depending on your goal.
They may feel untrue when the gap between what you affirm and what you believe is too big.
It happens because of the contradiction between belief and affirmation. If that is the case, try to make your own affirmations. That way, you’ll feel more aligned with your words, and they will serve their purpose better.
I remember when I bought my first book on affirmations from the famous Louise L. Hay, “You can heal your life.” At first, reading some of the affirmations in the book, my body (not only my mind) had a strong reaction, like a lump in my throat, and I even felt slightly angry at some (for example, affirmations about money).
The stronger the reaction, the stronger the belief. This reaction can serve as a precious guide if we pay closer attention and dig a little deeper into understanding our (false) core beliefs and how they affect our lives.
The Pressure to “Believe” Immediately
Believe me, pressure won’t help you in any way. It only slows the process and makes us feel “stuck.” Give your mind time to get used to these new thoughts, as change needs time. After all, it took a really long time (a lifetime) for some of these negative patterns to establish and later reinforce, so give yourself a break!
Consistency is essential for affirmation to be effective (or, for that matter, to establish any new habit). Repetition plays a vital role in helping our brain learn and adopt new ways of thinking by forming new neuron connections.
The Importance of Self-Compassion Over Forced Affirmations
When repeating affirmations that feel untrue at the moment, we can also fall into the trap of our inner critic, who strikes with questions like, “Why don’t I believe this?” or “Something must be wrong with me.” In this case, it is crucial to approach yourself with self-compassion.
Kindness and self-compassion are super important practices.
Without them, there will hardly be any true, lasting change and growth in our journey.
Instead of pushing yourself into believing, meet yourself where you are at the moment. Acknowledge resistance and give yourself permission just to be.
Instead of saying, “I’m worthy,” you can try with neutral and progressive affirmation, “I don’t feel worthy at the moment, and that’s okay. I’m improving every day, and I am doing my best.”
Validating our current emotional state has a significant positive effect on both the mind and body. It calms us and relieves pressure almost instantly.
Self-compassion and validation give us the approval to set our own pace, to meet ourselves where we are at the moment, and to free ourselves from the unnecessary burdens that we put on ourselves.
By acknowledging the inner critic’s voice and its tendency to judge, we create space for self-compassion. We understand that this voice does not represent us, and we consciously choose kindness instead.
Practicing kindness and patience is really a MUST if we want to help ourselves.
How to Make Affirmations Feel More Natural
NEUTRAL and PROGRESSIVE AFFIRMATIONS
For some of us, using neutral and progressive affirmations is a better approach. They are softer, feel much more achievable, and are likely closer to the current state. They are formulated to offer possibility and gradual change rather than discouragement.
You could simply validate yourself as: “It’s okay. I am doing my best. I am enough.” – because you ARE.
So, it is all about finding phrases that suit you best—the ones you feel comfortable repeating to yourself – and changing them with time if you feel so. There is no wrong way of doing it as long as they encourage you, give you a better sense of yourself, and move you toward a more positive attitude.
VISUALISATION as an EXTRA BOOST
Visualization is a very powerful self-help tool. It is widely used in many aspects of our lives, in meditation, sports, at work, for setting and achieving goals… Our mind always creates visual scenarios; it is how it tries to make sense of what is happening around us. So, why not use it intentionally for our benefit?
Adding visualization when repeating affirmations means including all our senses while envisioning already living and acting from a desired state.
- Find a place to sit and be in peace for a few minutes (the more time, the better).
- Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.
- Picture yourself in a situation where affirmation is true. Where are you? With whom? What are you wearing?
- Include all of the senses (this is so important!). What do you see, hear, smell, taste, feel? The more detailed you can go, the better.
- Speak your affirmation out loud while visualizing. That will signal your brain that you are serious about it. If speaking it out loud doesn’t feel right, you can chant it or whisper it.
I encourage you to be bold in visualizations and to enjoy this technique. It is really powerful, and with practice, it will become easier and more natural.
What to Do Instead of Using Affirmations (If They Don’t Work for You)
If you feel that affirmations aren’t your cup of tea, or at least not right now, there are other practices that can help you understand yourself better. It’s really important to experiment and stay curious about what works for you. At different stages of our personal journeys, some practices may seem like better options than others, and that’s perfectly normal.
1. Challenge underlying limiting beliefs
The first step for affirmation to be effective is believing it is true, remember? But how can we do this if it feels like we’re just lying to ourselves? Limiting beliefs are the reason we struggle to accept the affirmations we state.
We need to dig a little deeper to discover what we believe in order to change it. To find out more, check out this article on limiting beliefs.
2. Journaling
Journaling is, in my opinion, a very effective method to practice self-reflection.
Self-reflection is about looking inward with honesty. It involves questioning your thoughts, behaviors, and emotions to gain deeper self-awareness.
A balance of both is key—self-reflection helps us recognize where change is needed, and affirmations support us in making that change with self-compassion.
If you’re anything like me and expressing yourself verbally doesn’t always come easily, writing in a journal can be specifically helpful. At times, when I struggle with overthinking and can’t find a way to express it verbally, writing is a method of gaining clarity and exhausting my racing thoughts.
I use this technique to reinforce my affirmations. I describe a desired scenario by writing as if it has already happened, as if I have already achieved what I want—whether it’s an emotional state, a specific outcome, or a goal. I also take time to reflect on my accomplishments so far and recognize how far I have come.
Of course, I also include what I am grateful for because it almost automatically shifts my focus and energy in the desired direction.
3. Practicing mindfulness and self-compassion
These two go hand in hand with each other. There will be no genuine and lasting change in our mind, body, and emotions if we are not self-aware enough to recognize when is time to make the shift.
Mindfulness is the act of consciously observing one’s inner state—one’s emotions, bodily sensations, feelings, and thoughts—without judgment.
Unlike affirmations, the prime focus is to notice what is happening in us. The mere acknowledgment of what is creates space and clarity. Clarity and acceptance will guide us further in making meaningful changes.
Mindfulness can take various forms, such as breathing, body scanning, and thought observation. When used in everyday activities, it expands our self-awareness and gives us precious insights.
Self-observation is a great alternative to affirmations because it encourages you to witness with compassion.
4. Take action!
There are risks and costs to action. But they are far less than the long range risks of comfortable inaction. – John F. Kennedy
I included this one at the end for a reason. The truth is, if you’re using affirmations and not taking any action, nothing will change.
Talking might (and should) inspire us and increase our belief in what’s possible for us, but taking action is what makes it happen.
So, when creating affirmations, consider what small step you can take now to be closer to the desired outcome. How do you need to show up daily for this to become your reality?
What type of mindset do you need to have?
Do you need to stop doing something?
Should you work on setting goals and creating plans?
TO CONCLUDE
There is no one-size-fits-all self-help technique. So many are currently available, and the number is only growing. It can feel overwhelming; believe me, I know. No one can tell you what is best for you except you.
We must experiment, be curious, and see what resonates. What resonates also changes with time.
So, be patient and kind to yourself, keep going, and positive change will inevitably come. Whether with the help of affirmations or any other method, please don’t give up; you’re well worth it.
And don’t forget to take action, no matter how small at first!
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